So like I said in my last post, I have lately been making major changes in my life, which have lead me to start feeling better about myself. I am eating healthier, working out nearly every day, dropping weight, and overall...feeling great! Perhaps I should start at the beginning. Welcome to my journey...
I feel like for as long as I can remember, I have struggled with my weight. I've always felt like I have been heavier than I wanted to be, and bigger than most of my friends. It has always bothered me, but I have never done much to make myself feel better. Sure, there were times when I would start exercising and setting goals for myself, but working out was painful and miserable, and I would quickly make excuses and give up. This has been the cycle I have been in for years.
Throughout college, I felt like my weight was going up and up. I hated it, but I honestly felt too busy and too stressed to make any changes. I would try to eat a healthier diet, but the junk would keep calling my name, and it was often my comfort during stressful times. For me, nursing school was downright stressful. I have always been a perfectionist, and I strived to get the best grades possible. I spent long long hours studying and sitting on my butt, all while watching the weight pack on. The little exercise I got was basically walking too and from class, but I didn't have the dedication to make any other changes. I was dedicated to school, and at the time. It was all I could handle.
Fortunately, my hard work did pay off, and I was able to graduate in May 2011. I graduated with top grades, won an amazing award at graduation, and really felt successful. The beginning of my summer was spent studying for boards, and in July 2011, I successfully passed the NCLEX and became an official RN. At this time, I was already accepted to graduate school for the fall, and I was prepared to tackle graduate school and a part-time nursing job.
Come August, and graduate school started. I had found a temporary part time job, which I thought would be perfect to do while I started my first semester of graduate school. Less than a week after starting, I realized I was MISERABLE. Complete misery. I had never felt so stressed out in my life, school had never felt so overwhelming, and I felt like all I was doing was crying. It was terrible-nothing at all like what I was expecting. I had a few days of some deep soul searching, and decided I was going to make some changes. I dropped a few classes and changed my student status from full time to part time, and I began to look more dedicatedly for a job.
A few more weeks pass, and I really decided that graduate school was not for me. I was going to finish this semester, and then say goodbye to school. Once I made this decision, I felt about 10,000 times lighter. It was difficult-I felt I was letting everyone down, and I mostly felt I was letting myself down. But I knew deep down that this was the right decision, and I was feeling some inner peace for the first time in a while. Around this same time, I had several job interviews, and in the middle of September, I was hired! I started my first official job in the end of September 2011 at a pediatrician's office near my home, and so far, I love it!
It took a while for me to get used to the new job, the new routines, and learn all the new information that I needed to know. I was working a crazy schedule as I was training, and I was frequently so tired at night I would come home and sit on the couch and do nothing. Again, I started feeling terrible about my weight and the way I looked, but didn't really have the motivation for change. However, around this time, the seeds were planted.
I think Christmas was really the rock bottom. I felt like a whale, I had reached the biggest size and heaviest weight ever, and was just miserable. I decided things had to change, and my goal for the new year was to become a healthier person.
Come back tomorrow to read about the beginning of my journey!